There's a point you reach when what you're doing overrides your circumstances. It's not that you become a different person. It's that you're doing something, well...universally depersonalizing. And okay, Sean feels stupid thinking about a blowjob like that, especially when Elijah's tongue is turning wet, slow licks around the head of his blood-flushed cock. But it's just that there's nothing in their every day life together that equals the exact same set of results as the sex they have. And Sean loves that, loves the disconnection, and knows somehow that it has everything to do with the newness of this. The fact that it hasn't been going on for long. The fact that the private and public halves will only melt further into each other as time goes on. But now? Newness, bright and clean.

And how does Elijah do that, that thing where his whole mouth just...sinks...and keeps sinking... And it's like he's swallowing Sean's heartbeat, like he's clamping fingers around Sean's throat, because Sean can't breathe when he does that. That awfully dirty hollow moist noise that happens when cock approaches throat, and, oh, shouldn't they not? Elijah lifts up, pretending to not catch his breath, pretending that he did that without really pushing it. Oh, Sean thinks. Momentary guilt.

Then a hand on his saliva-slicked cock, and the guilt floats off into empty space. Elijah pushes Sean's thighs apart a little more, free hand sliding to cup and press his balls. Sean bites his lip. A hand curls, hard, pulling, from the base of his cock up and over the head, then back down again. Elijah's face disappears, and Sean feels a tongue drag along the underside.

He thinks about sighing something, or saying something, or maybe making Elijah's name pass his lips. But the silence is so thick and he feels silly. Ache in his balls, needing to come so badly, hoping he won't have to say anything to get that happening, because it's so...ridiculous...the talking, he hasn't really gotten to that yet. Please, Lijah, I...I wish you...I wish I could say... And his muscles tense.