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Title: Of Kangaroos and Control (whee! crack!fic title and all!)
Author: kiltsandlollies
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: NC–17
Notes: A special crack!fic attempt at smutaliciousness for the very lovely and patient rorylie, whose birthday was Sunday. Sorry it took so long, sweetness. Hope it’s worth the wait. A new and different style for me, very much inspired (but in a good way, my love!) by beizy, who can write anything, anytime, anywhere. *boggles*


“Door, open the door, open it—”

“Dom, shut up—can’t find my keys—”

“I’ll fucking break it down if you don’t get it open right now—”

“Dominic.” Billy hisses as the door tips open and they spill to the floor. Dominic’s been like this since they left the theatre bar, and Billy’s just trying to keep them both from making fools of themselves long enough to get upstairs, to get into Billy’s enormous, unmade bed.

“Now,” Dominic growls, yanking at Billy’s new green shirt. “Now. Here.” He kicks back and the door slams shut. The noise makes Billy jump, and Dominic laughs huskily in his ear. “Scared, Boyd?”

Billy moans at this and twists underneath Dominic. Dom’s not often this feisty, this dominant, and while it gives Billy a strange thrill to be the object of this attention, he knows it will end way too soon if Dominic keeps it up this fast, this hard.

“Ah, no,” Dominic laughs, reaching up and trapping Billy’s wrists. “Not this time. Gonna watch you fall apart. Gonna make you fall apart. Understand, Bill? Understand?”

Billy can smell and taste the alcohol on Dominic’s breath, and when he arches up to get more, Dominic allows it. They swallow each other, but it’s only seconds before Billy yelps and pulls back.

Dominic bites, Billy remembers, and bites hard. Billy licks at his lower lip to get rid of the tiny spot of blood he already knows is there, and Dominic releases another growl.

“That was mine,” he whispers, and Billy suddenly bucks up hard, knocking Dominic away. Dominic hisses, already reaching once more for Billy, and Billy scuttles backwards, almost to the staircase.

“Are you running from me, Billy?” Dominic giggles.

“Do you want me to?” Billy smiles back, a little bit breathless.

Dominic raises his eyebrows—

And Billy is gone, taking the stairs two at a time like Aragorn being chased by goblins. Dominic would laugh harder if his pants weren’t so uncomfortably tight and Billy’s ass so fucking perfect as he runs.

“You’re a sprinter, you old bastard,” Dominic roars as he makes his way up the stairs. “You’ll run out of steam long before I do.”

A laugh that’s more like a slap flies from Billy’s mouth. “That is highly unlikely, Dom.” Dominic follows the giggles until he knows Billy’s behind the bathroom door, waiting, ready to pounce. Dominic leans on the door, listening as Billy quiets, and reconsiders his position.

This has possibilities, Dominic thinks.

“Billy ...” he coos softly, smiling when Billy giggles again. Billy’s always been a fun drunk, never the type to fight over a missed shot at pool or whose turn it is to buy the next round. No—Billy laughs and sings and dances like a drugged kangaroo when he’s drunk, and Dominic loves him for it.

Dominic’s a bit of a bastard when he’s drunk—all aggro and spirit and well, horny as hell, actually. He knows only enough not to dance when he’s drunk, knowing full well that he’d shag anything dumb enough to dance with him. Including drugged kangaroos.

Dominic coughs. He has work to do now, and he cannot allow the image of a kangaroo to burn itself into his brain when his jeans are about to split open. Because that would be very weird, and Dominic’s anything but weird. Right.

“Billy ...” he says again. Billy bursts into full blown laughter inside the bathroom, and Dominic waits for it, almost counts down the seconds until the thump thump and then he knows Billy’s on the floor. The giggles are coming from the little space between the bottom of the door and the hideous carpeting now, and Dominic wiggles a newly–bared toe into that space. Billy shrieks at the invasion, and then there is a new and different thump–thump, an extra–special version, and then a curse, and Dominic wonders what part of Billy’s anatomy just made its acquaintance with a bathroom fixture.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Billy ...” Dominic sing–songs into the little space, and Billy is quiet again. “This is just silly now ... Come out this minute, dead naked and ready to be fucked into the next century, or I’ll be forced to do something drastic.”

Billy shrieks again, and Dominic leans down further, peeks into the shaft of light between the door and the floor, and is rewarded by a flash of fabric, dark green fabric Dominic recognizes as belonging to the shirt he tried to rip off Billy’s chest earlier. The fabric, having discovered that Dominic’s face is now pressed tightly against the bottom edge of the door, reaches up and swats him on the nose and Dominic rears back, offended by the whiplike impudence of said fabric, and all he can think is why the nose? Why is it always the nose?

He sniffs and reaches in under the door, catching the fabric on its retreat, and yanks, hard enough that Billy lets out a whoop of surprise when he’s pulled forward enough to bang up against the door on his side. Another muffled curse, and now it’s Dominic turn to shriek with laughter.

Which he does, but only for a moment, because hey, this thing in his jeans, right? It’s not going away anytime soon, and it’s just about had enough of this idiocy, thanks.

“Billy,” he says, very sweetly. “Billy, please come out and let me fuck you. Because things are getting somewhat tenuous out here—”

“Tenuous?” Billy snorts, and Dominic would dance if he could, because he made Billy do something other than laugh, and I win, I win, because Billy’s almost sober ... But Billy snorts again. “The fuck tenuous, Dom. Tenuous?”

“Come out and I’ll tell you what it means.”

“I know what it means, cunt.”

“Come out and I’ll let you suck me off.”

“You just give and give, don’t you?”

“Come out and I’ll—”

“Dominic.”

Dominic freezes, because hey, Billy’s back! And oh shit, Billy’s back. Which sort of means that Dominic can kiss the whole taking over the situation thing goodbye, and also hu–fucking–rray because that thing, yeah, that thing, it’s still there and maybe now Dominic can do something with it.

“Dominic, what are you doing out there?”

Dominic licks his lips, looks down at his own hand wrapped tightly around the bulge in his half–opened jeans.

“You that eager to start without me?”

“Get out here, you fuck, and I won’t have to.”

“Take it out,” Billy whispers through the door, and Dominic nearly chokes at the dip, the sudden rasp in Billy’s voice. “Now, Dominic.”

Right. Okay. Dominic pulls at his fly, working open the rest of the buttons there, a little drop of sweat falling from his forehead onto his stomach as he does so. Then, ohthankfuck, his fingers wrap around the shaft and Dominic stifles the shout that wants to tear from his lungs.

“Wait.” Billy growls, and Dominic’s head bangs against the door in frustration.

“You’re fucking mad, Boyd—”

“Wait ...” Softer, gentler, and Dominic exhales, smacking the door with his free hand. “Wait for me, Dom, just wait ...”

Dominic can hear the rustling behind the door and bites his lip hard when he hears Billy’s belt hit the tile floor and then seconds later Billy sighs, very softly, into the air behind that door and Dominic believes he may have to tunnel through the carpeting and tear at the floorboards to get to Billy.

“Dominic ...”

“Mmmm.”

“Now, Dom. With me, now. Like I do, Dom, slow and easy first.”

Dominic presses a small reset button in his brain, retakes himself in his hand and doesn’t have to reach far back in the memory banks to remember how Billy does this. Dominic’s hands are considerably larger than Billy’s, though, and every slow twist and dip and downstroke there—absolutely—yes is harder than Billy makes it, and Billy knows this because he’s shushing Dominic’s cries and telling him to slow down, and Dominic bangs an elbow against the door this time before he obeys.

“Go again, Dom ...” Billy whispers. “Underneath, come on, like I do ... Let me hear you now, but slow, slow, Dominic, and wait for me ...”

Dominic strokes slow and hard with one hand and drops the other to cup his balls, his thumb and two fingers massaging and rolling them like Billy does, and Dominic almost giggles when his toes curl up right at the edge of his view.

“Faster now, Dom ...” And Dominic almost jumps because it’s as if Billy’s mouth is at his ear when he knows perfectly well that Billy’s still behind the door, his own hands busy like Dominic’s are. Billy growls again, this time lower, deeper, harder and Dominic pants, needing this so badly. Needing Billy so badly even as he approximates the older man’s touch on himself.

“Your fingers, Dom,“ Billy gasps, and oh yes, now that’s familiar, the lilt of Billy’s voice cracking and fraying into the air when he’s close. Dominic closes his eyes and runs two fingers underneath him, playing, stroking, exploring, and he grunts, shoving one inside, quickly, before Billy notices—

“Stop—” Billy hisses, and Dominic erupts in a fit of youFUCK, you totalFUCK coughing. “Scared, Monaghan?” Billy laughs, and then he murmurs, coos, waits for Dominic to settle down before he continues.

“Don’t get ahead of me, Dom ...” he sighs. The door rattles as Dominic slumps against it, and Billy slumps back himself, breathing hard. “Now ... Go again ... One, slowly, just a touch, just slow, Dom, you know how you like it from me ...”

Dominic obeys, sucking back in a whine before Billy can grab it from the air, tuck it away for ammunition later.

“Two now, yes, Dom, two, you know you can ... Different from mine, aren’t they? Harder ... Not so gentle ... Not so slow and careful ... You’re never careful with yourself ...” Dominic moans, already working his fingers in motions far too fast, far too soon.

“You can’t be trusted with yourself, Dommie ...” Billy whispers, and Dominic purrs, hums gratefully, knowing that’s Billy allowing him to work harder and sharper at what he’s doing even as he teases him for his greed.

“You’re never gonna watch me fall apart ... gonna make me fall apart ... unless I let you, Dominic.” Billy grunts back, hits the door himself and Dominic knows from that noise that Billy is working himself just as hard and fast. The image makes Dominic quake and grind down on his own fingers. “Do you understand, Dom?”

“Yes ...” Dominic gasps.

And then it’s all very much out of control, because a very much sober Billy flings open the door and shoves Dominic on his back on the carpet. Dominic nearly howls when Billy’s mouth is on him, taking him all in, all at once, and then jesusfuck let’s not forget about Billy’s fingers, grabbing, taking, pulling and finally stilling all hard and brutal at the base of Dominic’s cock, making him wait, making him scream in fury. Dominic yanks at Billy’s hair, violent rutting–animal noises pouring from his throat, and Billy looks up sharply, his lithe fingers pressing suddenly, deeply at Dominic’s entrance.

“Oh, fuck, Billy, no—”

And Dominic had no chance, really, because Billy plunges two fingers inside him, and Dominic shatters into jagged little Mancunian pieces all over Billy’s hand, his mouth and Dominic’s own stomach. Billy sucks him dry, one hand keeping him pinned to the ground, and Dominic fucking mewls until it’s all over and Billy’s inching his way up Dominic’s chest.

Dominic watches Billy’s pink tongue slide across his body, catching and lapping at the sweat and everything else that’s spilled so hotly on his skin, and he groans, closing his eyes against the vision. Billy smiles and plants soft, wet, warm kisses on Dominic’s cheeks, his eyelids and finally his lips, waiting for Dominic to recover.

“Dominic ...” he speaks slowly, right into the soft skin of Dominic’s lips. When Dominic opens his eyes, Billy’s teeth flash and bite, and bite hard, and Dominic yelps, bucking away.

Billy pushes himself up and off and is standing all in one quick motion. Dominic licks his stained lips and blinks at the picture of Billy snaking one hand back into his pants and Dominic thinks you’re just too far away for me you to help you with that, Billy ...

“The door was never locked, Dommie ...” Billy sighs, and waits for it. Dominic roars again—

And Billy runs.


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